


Carry On

by MoonOwl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Setting, Eruri Week, Eruri Week 2018, Jewish Character, M/M, Minnesota, Trans Male Character, gratuitous headcanons, lots of minnesota, sad boy!Erwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-30 12:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15751362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonOwl/pseuds/MoonOwl
Summary: Eruri Week 2k18.1. Carry: Levi's latest school assignment has nothing to do with academics.2. Post-ACWRN/Pre-AoT: With Levi, all bets are off, all rules broken.





	1. Carry

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written fanfic in like almost three years now and I don’t have an tumblr anymore so I didn’t even know about this until yesterday. 
> 
> These might all be a day late. Whoops!

“I have friends.”

“...how many friends, though?”

Within two years time, Levi won’t even remember this guidance counselor's name, but in this moment, she’s probably the biggest pain in his ass. “Here, or in general?” he shrugs somewhat defiantly.

She folds her hands. “Here.”

“Two.” Levi doesn’t hesitate in saying so. It’s the truth, after all.

The guidance counselor folds her hands and takes out a piece of paper from her manila folder. “I think I may have found a fun way for you to branch out more.”

Levi rolls his eyes. He’s heard this kind of thing from all sorts of teachers and neighbors, here and back home. He’s wondering what it will be this time; some recommendation based on the “OCD diagnosis” on his IEP? Or will it be the classic suggestion that he join the school’s LGBT alliance just because he has an asterisks next to his legal name on his enrollment record, telling the staff to call him “Levi” instead?

“There is a student returning to school tomorrow after recovering from a medical emergency,” she tells him. “He recently lost his right arm in a car accident, and he could use the help of another student to carry his books from class to class.”

“Why doesn’t he just use his other arm to carry his books?”

She shrugs nonchalantly. “Maybe he’s not used to using his left arm so much,” she says. “Besides it’ll be comforting for him to have someone with him, to help him readjust.”

Levi wants to say that _no, he’s going to feel like a pity party_   _instead of a normal student_ , but the forgettable guidance counselor is already handing him the student’s schedule.

“You’ll be meeting Erwin at his homeroom tomorrow morning."

...

“Erwin’s so nice, you’ll really like him!” Petra basically coos at Levi during lunch. 

“No, seriously, Erwin’s like, the best,” Hange joins in. “Plus, his best friend, Mike, always has the best weed.”

“Hange!”

“Oh come on, you think it’s hot when I smoke.”

The girls giggle and Levi wants to tell them  _ just date each other already _ , but he also knows that if the two do pair off, his only two friends here might be too busy for him to even third-wheel. Not that he’s really good friends with either of them out of pure choice. They're nice girls, and not bad to hang out with, but the whole relationship is a tad forced. Petra’s dad is the rabbi at the local reform temple helping to connect him and his mom with their community in town (a community of probably five whole Jewish families). He even managed to get his mom a job as a receptionist at the local Jewish charity organization, so he guesses he does owe Rabbi Ral for not letting him and his mother starve. Petra dotes on him, probably because her father told her to look out for him. She’s always trying to get him to join things, like the temple’s youth group or the school’s community service club. Hange likes him too, but probably just because Petra likes him. Or, maybe she’s just stoked to have met Another Real Life Trans Teen outside of the trans youth camp she went to every summer as a kid (which, Levi didn’t even know existed until he moved to Trost two months ago.)

“I just can’t trust a 17-year-old named Erwin,” Levi finally says. “Like, who carries a baby for nine months, looks at it, and decides that ‘Erwin’ is a good name. It’d be like naming your baby Barbara.”

...

_ Fuck _ , no one told him he’d be hot.

Erwin Smith has to be over 6 feet tall, with well-defined facial features and blond hair neatly swept back, making him look older than 17-years-old. Well, he looks older in the face, at least. His clothes on the other hand, look like his mom had picked them out. He wears a gingham button up with khaki pants, and in a way, it looks kind of endearing. The sleeve on his right side is neatly folded and pinned underneath what must be the remainder of his right arm.

Erwin politely extends his left hand to Levi. “Hi, you must be Levi! My name is Erwin,” he greets with a sunny smile. “Thanks for agreeing to walk to class with me.”

Levi thinks that’s a weird way of putting that, but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe this guy is just insanely weird. His middle-aged man name seems to match his demeanor well. “So, your first class is chemistry? Do you have your books?”

Erwin laughs nervously. “Actually, I don’t have any books yet. My accident was over labor day weekend. This is my first day of school for the year.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, so,” Erwin continues. “I don’t really have anything for you to do just yet.” Erwin shrugs apologetically.

“I can still walk with you,” Levi offers, not sure why. “Just to get used to your schedule with you.” Levi internally winces, realizing that he’s acting around Erwin in the same way he hates when people feel sorry for him.

“Are you sure?” Erwin asks.

“Stop being so polite,” Levi says. “I’m still new to the school, so it’s going to help me out more than it will help out you.”  

“Alright," Erwin answers him. “So, where did you move from?” Erwin continues as they make their way to chemistry.

“St. Maria Park,” he answers. “It’s near Minneapolis.”

“Oh cool,” Erwin says. “I haven’t been to Minneapolis a whole ton. Just a few times with my dad. Must be real different to move from the Twin Cities area to here?”

“Yeah, sort of,” Levi replies. “Everyone here looks like they’re in an ad for a Swedish tourism agency. But, the ‘less people’ thing is kind of nice, and your lake seems kind of cool.”

“It is a Great Lake, after all,” Erwin flashes a corny smile and Levi can’t help but to wonder how such a nerdy spirit got put into such a hot body. “Did your mom or dad move jobs here?”

“No,” Levi responds. He doesn’t feel like telling this guy he just met  _ oh yeah, my uncle who basically supported me and my mom lost his job as a cop because he was stealing confiscated cocaine from the police precinct and now he’s in federal prison and my mom and I are fucking poor.  _ “I guess I’ll see you at 8:45?” Levi says when they reach room 104 as he looks over the schedule he received yesterday. “Oh it looks like we both have the same English class together.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” Erwin says. “Hopefully I’ll have some books for you by then,” he smiles.

...

“Do you want to help me catch up in English class?” Erwin asks him a week into their new routine on their way to his history class. “Maybe we could meet after school?” 

“Uh, sure?” Levi says, shifting the enormous US history textbook in his arms. “I don’t know why; you’re not exactly struggling, but okay.”

“Call it anxiety,” Erwin suggests. “I’ll meet you after school, and we can walk over to my house?

“Yeah, I’ll meet you after school, then.”

At 2:45 in the afternoon, the two boys exit the halls of North Trost High and embark on the 20 minute walk of tree-lined streets over to Erwin’s house.

“Where do you live, again?” Erwin asks.

“Downtown,” Levi responds. 

“Do you like it?”

“You don’t have to ask me these questions,” Levi says. He knows it probably sounds mean, but by the look on Erwin’s face, he doesn’t seem offended. “You can cut the small talk. We’re not some coworkers at the water cooler. You don’t have to try to be my friend because we’re stuck together.” 

Erwin shrugs. “I just like talking to you. You’re different. I get that you’re still from Minnesota, but you don’t have that Minnesotan politeness where you have to deliver everything you say like you’re talking to a neighbor. The kind of neighborly politeness you use even when you're talking to a neighbor who you secretly hate but can’t be mean to because they’re your neighbor. You’re fun to talk to, Levi, even when you’re answering boring questions.”

“Why can’t I interrogate you for once?” Levi smirks. “Why do you act like a middle aged man in the body of a 17-year-old?” 

“I guess I was close to my dad growing up?” Erwin responds, gingerly stretching his left arm to rustle his own hair. “We were so close that I kind of mimicked him. He was a history teacher, and I even think that’s what I’m going to do with my life too.”

Levi takes note of the “was” in Erwin’s statement and decides not to press on further about his dad. “Do you have a girlfriend?” Levi decides on being more forward. “Or boyfriend, or a 'your person' _,_ if that's your thing.”

“No,” Erwin says, looking down at his feet and smiling. “Do you?”

“I had a boyfriend back home,” Levi responds. “We broke up before I moved. I wasn’t going to do long distance with him. He was cute, but his personality sucked.”

Erwin takes a deep breath. “I actually broke up with my girlfriend right before, uh, it happened,” he tells him. “I was kind of having an identity crisis.”

“Huh?”

“I thought I was gay,” Erwin says. “Or, I guess, I am? Or, maybe I’m bi or something else. I still don’t really know. I just, realized that I liked guys while I was dating Marie, and I couldn’t handle dating her while still figuring myself out.”

“I see,” Levi responds, carefully hiding the excitement in his stomach that screams  _ oh shit this hot guy likes guys _ .

“It’s just kind of messed up,” Erwin nervously laughs. “Like, I lost my girlfriend and my arm in the same week, and they were both my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” Levi says, almost defensively for him. “You couldn’t control any of that.”

“Yeah, but, I think I hurt her,” Erwin says and Levi notices that his brow is furrowed. “I went and hurt myself, and I got a call from her when she was recovering. She told me to get better soon, but I could tell by her voice she just wanted to talk about us and what happened.”

“Accidents happen,” Levi tries to explain.

“I was driving,” Erwin blurts after a moment. “I caused the accident. It was getting close the underage driving curfew, and Mike was in my car. He didn’t get hurt, thank God, but I haven’t seen him since returning to school. He visited me in the hospital, but never alone. It was always him and someone else. Band was how we met, and it’s not like I can really play saxophone anymore. I think things are just going to be,  _ different _ now.”

_Fuck, that was a lot._ Levi hates things like this. He’s not good with feelings and he’s too brutally honest. He’s the worst person to provide comfort. So, he says the only thing he can. “That sucks,” he says. “That sounds like it really does suck.”

Erwin lets out a sigh. His shoulders relax. “It really fucking does.”

“So much for me just trying to figure out if you liked boys or not,” Levi says after a moment.

Erwin laughs. Not a nervous laugh. A genuine laugh.

...

On Friday morning, Erwin makes the worst possible suggestion: to go to a football game with Levi.

“It’ll be fun,” he says. “It’ll be my first game since getting out of the hospital. It’ll be weird not playing in the band, but it might be fun, and -”

“Fine,” Levi cuts him off. “I’ll go with you.”

They go to the game. Levi feels like he’s an actual high school student for once, even though he doesn’t understand football and doesn’t care to ever learn. He’s cursing himself for not bringing a warmer hoodie, because fuck, Trost is even colder than St. Maria’s Park. He finds himself inching closer to Erwin, partially for warmth and partially because he’s the literal embodiment of  _ His Type _ .

After the first quarter, which Levi thinks goes on for seven years despite being only 15 minutes of actual game play, the members of the band, namely Mike, Hange, Petra and a girl Levi doesn’t know, make their way over to the section of the bleachers that he and Erwin are sitting in. After giving Mike the most wholehearted one armed hug a person could give, Erwin introduces ‘his friend Levi’ to Nanaba. Nanaba tries to go through the small talk schtick, and Levi decides she has that Minnesotan politeness that Erwin’s told him about. It's not a bad thing, she just has the personality of a hot dish after a hockey game instead of an snow storm in March. 

Levi can still feel the tension in the air between Mike and Erwin when it’s time for the the 2nd quarter to begin, but it’s got to be a start, he thinks. Hange and Petra excuse themselves to make a “gal pal buddy system” trip to the bathroom; Levi and Erwin both notice the two making out underneath the next section of bleachers.

“At least some people have figured out how to read the tension,” Levi says.    

Erwin puts his arm around him for the rest of the game. _ For warmth _ , of course.

When Hange piles her friends into her well-worn subaru at the game’s end, she laments that since lesbians are the only type of gays that can drive, she’ll always have to DD for them in the future. “I’m kidding, I want you guys to be safe!” she jokes after a moment, before realizing the context of what she said in relation to Erwin and Mike, who brush off her comment rather nonchalantly.

Mike gets dropped off first, giving Erwin a fist bump as he exits the car. Levi’s house is next on Hange’s route.

“I’ll walk you to your door,” Erwin says when she pulls up to his building.

“You don’t have to,” Levi replies.

“But I want to.”

They walk out of the idling car to the entryway of the apartment complex. Erwin has a dreamy look on his face and Levi has to wonder if he got a contact high from all of the weed being smoked at the game.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Erwin says as he tucks of a lock of Levi’s hair behind his ear. “It’s just that I want to kiss you right now.”

“Fuck, you’re so awkward,” Levi tells him before reaching up to hold his face in his hands and pressing his lips against his.

“Get a room!” Hange yells from her window.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh cool, this is now three days late.

They’re celebrating Mike’s promotion to Squad Leader when Erwin feels that first pang of something festering in the pit of his stomach. The bar cheers when Mike plants a kiss on Nanaba, there’s a call for another round of ale, but Erwin’s gaze lays across the room. A soldier has his hand on the small of Levi’s back. There are few things in this world that Erwin hates: corruption, deception, injustice. Now he adds the sight of Levi pairing off with someone else to the list.

He knows he shouldn't get jealous. It's not healthy, it's not rational, he tells himself. 

Mike is making a toast to him, praising his best friend and declaring him to be the future commander of the Survey Corps. Erwin smiles awkwardly at the blur of praise, unable to pick out the exact words and phrases in the correct order as Mike speaks.  

He's utterly helpless with Levi and he can't understand why.

Mike slings an arm about him and drunkenly whispers into his ear that they’ll find him a girl to bring home tonight. Erwin gently chides him,  _ we’ve had too much to drink, _ even though Erwin has a high tolerance for alcohol and hasn’t had much to begin with.

Erwin watches as Levi as he leaves the bar, his hand in that of the other soldier.

Mike cajoles Erwin,  _ when’s the last time you brought someone to bed? _   Erwin pats his back,  _ don’t rub salt in the wound _ , he says, half-jokingly. Mike tries once again to rally him, before wrapping Erwin in a bearhug and leaving the pub with Nanaba and a few of the others.

The rest of the bar dissipates. Erwin steps outside, not quite ready to leave the quiet of night and return to the reality of what lays ahead in the days, months, _years_ , to come for him and the others. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the cool, crisp air of the little town, as his mind wanders to the feelings festering inside of him that night. Everything about Levi intrigues his curiosities, his wants, his desires. His brash nature, crude personality, his own brand of honesty too brutal to account for face-saving white lies. Eyes with nearly permanent dark circles, an ever present frown, the strange but wonderful juxtaposition of youthfulness and sharpness in his face. All of these things that shouldn't draw Erwin in, yet they do, and powerfully so. Erwin wonders how he fell for someone such as Levi; the antithesis of the soft curves, bright eyes and smiles, of the sweetness and sympathy he's used to chasing. With Levi, all bets are off, all rules broken.

He heads back to the base. He strolls by some of the younger members, watching them enjoy the romance of the twilight and the freedom of open spaces. He reaches the base, and walks down the hall to his quarters, a ways away from the noisy whispers that fill the barracks after a night of merriment.  

The sight he finds at his private quarters is a puzzling, and even slightly concerning one. Erwin sees that his door is open. 

He opens the door gently, as not to alert a potential intruder of his presence. In the dark, he makes out the figure of a not-too-tall person slumped on the chair. Erwin watches closely at the figure, who emits a low grunt.

“Erwin?”

“Levi?” Erwin responds, as he recognizes the voice. Through muscle memory, he lights the oil lamp sitting near the door.

Levi had fallen asleep, passed out on the chair, his arms somehow still tightly folded. A particular and self-aware man during the day, but a highly undignified sleeper.

“What are you doing here?”

Levi blinks away the sleep from his eyes. “Just, too much going on in the barracks. Drunk people making too much fucking noise.”

Erwin pauses, before saying. “You didn't come back with that soldier?”  

Levi pauses as well. “What guy? No. He was good for a little messing around behind the pub, not much else. Besides, where would be go? It’s like you’re all trying to force us into celibacy in the barracks,” he snorts.

Erwin smiles, and he wonders if Levi can see his grin in the dim lighting. “So, you just came into my room instead.”

“You weren’t using it when I got here,” Levi seems more awake now. “Don’t worry, I would have left if you brought home some girl.”

Erwin crosses the room and sits down on his bed. “I’m afraid that won’t be happening tonight,” Erwin says as he begins to take off his boots.

In the low lighting, Erwin can just make out the raised eyebrows and smug smirk on Levi’s face. “Did you get rejected? The world really must be ending if I can get luckier than you.”

Erwin laughs in that polite sort of manner that one uses when one needs to lighten the mood. “Well, I wasn’t exactly trying. I haven’t been since joining the Survey Corps.”

Levi takes a moment to look at Erwin across the room. “That makes sense,” Levi says, and Erwin almost waits for him to finish with  _ given what’s to come _ . 

Levi gets up from his chair, and Erwin stops him. He places his boots under the bed, and pats the mattress with one hand.

“Don’t go back to the barracks. Stay, if you like,” Erwin says. His blood runs cold after a moment, fearing he’s said the wrong thing and and that Levi took it the wrong way (or, he took it in the way that Erwin wants it to be, but can’t let it be).

“Alright,” Levi says. “I can try sleeping in a real bed for once.”

Erwin excuses himself to change into his nightshirt and linen pants. He returns to find Levi laying on the bed, still clothed in his casual wear. 

Erwin walks over to the nightstand to turn off the lamp.

“Look, you did take someone to bed tonight after all,” Levi says, as the flames flicker out. 


End file.
